It's Friday. Sex?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
