its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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