I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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