So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
