You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
