Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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