sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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