the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
