Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
