just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
