And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
