maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
