if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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