So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
