i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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