Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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