Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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