he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
false alarm, still single
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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