You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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