Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
