That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
