My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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