We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
