That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
