I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
