Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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