I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
