At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
