Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
