I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He shit in the fireplace
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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