Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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