Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
