Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
