Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
