She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
