is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
