we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
