And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
