Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this will be a night to untag.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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