I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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