Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
