I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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