Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
