We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never play flip cup with pint glasses
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
