you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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