I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
