she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You were trust falling into bushes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
