Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
