Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
