I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
