she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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