i would punch a child for taco bell
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
